It has been roughly a month of reducing my prescribed dosage of anti-psychotics to stretch my remaining medicine further (not recommended). This is due to an insurance issue, related to our move. Unfortunately, lowering my dosage of a medicine that already was not very effective has not had good results. Enter: delusional thinking.
Despite the fact that this type of thinking has been rather frequent, truthfully I only recently noticed. I’ve known for quite some time that my beliefs didn’t make any logical sense, but still firmly believe them … without connecting the dots (until recently) that these are delusions. My thoughts are so chaotic and confused – I know they are not real, but cannot get them out of my head.
Delusional Thinking: The Beliefs
Wondering what these thoughts are that I simply cannot shake? They really don’t make any sense, but here is a brief overview:
One in particular is that my fingernails are starting to flatten out (before they had a rather nice, rounded curve) because in high school I thought one of my friend’s fingernails weren’t very good (she had flat fingernails). For perspective, I have been out of high school for more than five years. Even though I know it doesn’t make sense, I keep thinking that my fingernails are flattening because I’m being punished for being so critical of her fingernails.
Other beliefs relate to my gaining weight, and even problems people I know are having. Without giving too many details, someone I know is going through a tough time, and I keep thinking she’s being punished because of something I complained about. Mind you, I only complained to my husband, and regretted the decision after. Not because my husband would say something (he wouldn’t), but because complaining doesn’t fix anything. Aside from that, complaining leaves a bad taste in my mouth. That’s not the person I want to be (it’s something I’m working on).
Knowing is Not Believing:
These disturbing thoughts keep circling around in my head, keeping me awake and convincing me that I’m being punished; even that the people I care about are being punished because of me. As I have said far too many times already, these thoughts don’t make sense. I can’t shake them, though. They are firmly rooted and refusing to let go. Knowing something isn’t real isn’t enough to allow me to believe it isn’t real.
Now that you have some background from someone who deals with delusional thinking too, let’s talk about how we can recognize these thoughts.
Recognizing Delusional Thoughts:
- Talk with a trusted friend, family member, or health professional – sometimes you just need an outside opinion on whether something is a reasonable thought, or completely out there.
- Process and work though the thought – I realized my thoughts about the fingernails were delusional by working through why I believed it was happening. Upon coming to the conclusion that it was happening because I was being punished for thoughts from over five years ago, I realized it just didn’t make sense. You could also do this by writing down the thoughts and reading them to yourself.
- Question the thought – This goes along with #2, but if you have a mental illness your brain tends to lie! It will tell you things that aren’t true and try to convince you of them. Question everything about the thought before accepting it as reality. Does it make sense? Would so-and-so do such a thing? You get the idea. If you cannot work through the thought(s) alone, #1 really is a great option for working through persistent thoughts that you cannot get rid of.
Although this goes without saying, I do NOT recommend going off or reducing your medication without a doctor’s supervision. The best way to avoid delusional thinking is to take your prescribed medication, as prescribed. This post is simply to help you recognize if your thoughts are delusional. If you are experiencing delusional thoughts, please consult a health professional.
Sincerely,
A Delusional Mind
Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional, and this should not be taken as medical advice. Please consult your doctor if you need help.
Christian, wife, “hybrid” mama, I run the site All Behind A Smile to help others like me.
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