Although it has not been a year of life for my firstborn yet (counting the weeks at this point!) I have come to the understanding that parenting comes with a lot of judgement, sometimes from unexpected places, and requires you to really stand your ground to parent how you see fit.
It’s also apparent that I’m not alone.. a quick scroll through social media leaves no questions as to whether or not other parents are facing judgement (often uncalled for and undesired) for their parenting decisions.
Whether it’s the type of fish you buy your three year old (judgement from others saturated my friend’s recent social media post), or what you choose to feed your child, there is always someone who feels it’s necessary to add their two cents – especially if those two cents are unwelcome.
The Unwelcome Two Cents
Quick disclaimer moment: I am not immune to thinking thoughts that are unfair towards other parents. Most likely, since no one is perfect, no one is… but that doesn’t mean those thoughts ever need to see the light of day.
With my son’s first birthday approaching so quickly that the invites have already gone out, there is the reoccurring question (often from the people who ALREADY KNOW the answer) of him having a traditional smash cake… of course, loaded with sugar.
Most of the people asking know I try to avoid sugar myself, so why would I give it to my son? Not only is he too young to realize any differently, but it is completely unnecessary and definitely unhealthy. Yeah. *Great* way to end the first year.
*Note* this is not intended to criticize those parents who DO allow their children to have sugar. As a Trim Healthy Mama, I just avoid it for myself and my family.
All of that to say, he WILL have a HEALTHY smash cake, as much as reasonably possible. However, even if he DIDN’T have a smash cake at all, why is it anyone else’s problem? It’s not like I’m taking their cake…
Parenting, My Way
I could talk for awhile about the things people have said about me not allowing my child (soon to be children) to eat very much (if any) sugar, and probably will at a later point, but right now, it’s about parenting.
It’s about sticking to your principles and beliefs where reasonable, even when it feels like everyone and their brother is against you.
This (nearly) year of being a parent, I’ve learned that you have to compromise… but you don’t have to do it all of the time, and you don’t have to entirely surrender.
Case in point: we were recently discussing cereal options. The cereal is primarily for the kids (there’s a niece who practically lives here, but that’s a story for another day) but we are phasing out the “junk” cereal that was previously being purchased for her alone, and replacing it with “compromise” cereal that my kids can eat when older without me completely surrendering my standards. It’s not 100% Trim Healthy Mama friendly, but it isn’t as sweet and loaded with sugar as many other cereal options these days.
To keep the peace in our household (since it’s not mine alone) and due to weekly guests, I have to pick and choose when to fight and when to compromise.
Fight VS Compromise
When people are trying to bully me (verbally) into feeding my child junk (the most recent was a slice of birthday cake that wasn’t even age appropriate) I fight. This is my child, my responsibility, and if you have a problem it’s my house and you can leave (if it’s your house, I’ll leave). But it’s not okay to try and shame or bully another parent into giving up their standards unless the child is at risk or in danger.
If you have a reasonable argument (most people are concerned with my son “missing out” – he’s not even a year old yet!!) then I am usually willing to acquiesce or compromise. Otherwise, BACK OFF.
Don’t try to tell another parent “how” to raise their child, unless it is specifically requested of you.
If you are a parent or guardian, when has someone tried to dictate how you raise your child? What was your reaction – fight, compromise, or surrender? Did you regret it? Let me know in the comments below.
Christian, wife, “hybrid” mama, I run the site All Behind A Smile to help others like me.
[…] Just last week we talked about how everyone has an opinion on how other people parent and it’s your choice to fight, compromise, or surrender. […]