When it comes to balancing mental health and family responsibilities, mothers are the ones who are supposed to know exactly what to do, when to do it, and how to make it happen… right? So what happens when mental illness enters the picture? What if you, as the mother, are the one who is mentally ill?
For starters, it’s cliche, but take a breath. Hyperventilating won’t help anyone. We need you calm and focused to tackle this in problem solving mode.
As a mother to two toddler boys who has been stable with schizoaffective disorder (along with a few other diagnoses) for over eight years with a combination of medication and coping skills, I have stability experience. The family part is newer (considering my oldest is two years old) but manageable.
The Balancing Act
It’s time to tackle the question of handling mental health issues when you also have family responsibilities… also known as the balancing act.
(Psst! Have you read THE JUGGLER yet? It’s a short but helpful mental illness analogy that can help explain to family and friends the reality of dealing with mental illness day in and day out.)
Back to the question at hand.
How are we supposed to be balancing mental health and family responsibilities?
You’ve probably heard it before, but we all need reminders… if everything is important, nothing is important. Although my instincts want to keep juggling everything – keep all of the balls in the air, all the time – sometimes we have to let things go.
That’s not what you wanted to hear, I’m sure.
You wanted to hear how to become Wonder Woman.
How to make everything happen according to plan.
The reality is, as a mother with mental health issues we have to adjust what we take on more than the next person. We may have to decide between taking on less, or letting certain balls fall more frequently… or simply risk a complete breakdown.
Becoming Wonder Woman
Maybe it’s time for some perspective shifts.
Not I can’t, but I choose not to. I choose not to risk my mental health and sanity by attending every _ (fill in the blank). I choose not to sacrifice self care due to taking care of everyone else first, all the time. I choose.
Eventually, if you don’t choose, your mental health will choose for you… and you may not like the result.
Don’t you think a better Wonder Woman for your family does her best to take care of herself and her mental health? By doing so, you set the example for everyone else to follow. Even when you think you failed – seeing you get up and try again is yet another example for your children.
Balancing Mental Health and Family Responsibilities
Okay. So. We’ve addressed the lie that we can balance everything (the balancing act). We’ve considered an alternative (becoming Wonder Woman). Now let’s figure out how to thrive with mental health issues and family responsibilities (instead of just survive).
Here are some of my current favorite tactics:
(Please keep in mind that these tactics are best paired with professional help if needed, and do not replace your doctor’s opinion)
- Decide each day what is important to focus on (a planner is great for this but I sometimes just do so mentally). The days I don’t have a focus are often “lost days”, lost to scrolling social media or other mindless tasks that don’t move me towards my goals. This doesn’t mean you can’t do other tasks – that’s life – but it does mean that most of your tasks should be relevant towards that focus.
- Plan for “down time” or “lost days” when making a schedule by having things done in advance as much as possible so that when a ball does fall, it doesn’t have as much of an impact.
- Keep open communication about needs with trusted family or friends so that you can get help when needed. Sometimes family/friends see things you cannot see or realize yourself, so they can jump in or make decisions for you.
There is no one-size solution to the question of balancing mental health and family responsibilities as every situation is different. With that being said, you can still decide what you will fight for (balls to keep juggling), what you are willing to try for (balls that can fall without causing a breakdown but you would like to maintain), and what to let go of altogether (balls that can fall without being picked back up).
What stage are you in? Are you in the balancing act stage, trying to keep everything in the air? Are you becoming Wonder Woman? Or are you at a place where you feel things are – as far as balance goes – maintained at least somewhat? Let me know in the comments below!
Christian, wife, “hybrid” mama, I run the site All Behind A Smile to help others like me.
[…] yourself? It’s a balancing act, but you don’t have to become Wonder Woman. In Balancing Mental Health and Family Responsibilities, I share 3 of my favorite tactics to help moms thrive with mental health issues (instead of just […]