As of this article being published, I have two boys under two.. 16 months and a little over 3 months; but the ages aren’t the hard part. (In fact, I would argue having them so close was one of my best decisions.) No, the hard part is the intrusive thoughts that want to sneak in and take over my brain.
As a mama, I manage. I have to.
If you are unfamiliar with these thoughts and here out of curiosity, intrusive thoughts (by my unprofessional definition) hijack your brain and normal thinking. They “invade” and are persistent, nagging thoughts that run through your mind unbidden and refuse to leave until they feel like it.
Managing Intrusive Thoughts
Aside from attempting to drive you further into madness, these thoughts can be so persistent and so intense that they are hard to ignore, sometimes making you feel that if you cave to the thought that you just *might* find relief.
I’ll pass on providing examples of these thoughts because I don’t want to trigger anyone, but if you have these thoughts, you probably recognize my description of them.
Coping
I have a few “skills” in my toolbox for managing these intrusive thoughts, which has changed (and improved) since I became a mama.. but I’ll share some of my older skills too, just in case they can help provide relief to someone.
- Write them down as they come (not neatly, just scrawled all over the paper) and destroy the paper (no need to scare anyone)
- Sketch the object of your thoughts (it doesn’t have to be good!)
- Listen to loud music (preferably with headphones or earbuds so you don’t disturb anyone else) to “drown them out” (but please be careful not to hurt your eardrums)
- Hit a punching bag or speed ball (with protective gloves) until you can’t punch anymore
- Scream into a pillow
- Go for a run outside or on a treadmill or do some cardio
- Workout with weights (be careful not to use weights that are too heavy)
Through the years of dealing with intrusive thoughts, my favorite (most effective) methods are either exhausting physically, or involve getting the thought out of my head. Sometimes I even combine tactics, like listening to loud music while going for a run.
This topic is addressed in a broader fashion with Creativity and Mental Illness… not just how they are linked, but how creativity can help alleviate the stress that can make mental illness symptoms (like intrusive thoughts) worse and seven tips for helping.
What About the Kids?
First and foremost, make sure your kids are safe.. but remember, if you aren’t safe, they likely aren’t safe, either (because if something happens to you, who will take care of them?). If you need help, call a trusted family member or friend to watch the kids so you can have a break to use the outlet of your choice for these thoughts.
If you can’t get childcare, there are STILL OPTIONS. You could use the scream into a pillow option above, or if you have a punching bag nearby, make sure your kids are happily playing or occupied and step away to use it. *This does NOT mean leaving the house while your young kids are there alone*. If you have a treadmill, that is also still a great option… but you could also put on a workout DVD or workout from YouTube, and burn off some steam (and intrusive thoughts) right there in the room with your kids, and they might even join you.
My point is, most of the above suggestions can be modified or adjusted if you can’t get childcare… and if you CAN get childcare, even better… but don’t let lack of childcare stop you from meeting your needs, too. If your kids happen to be particularly needy (my toddler has a tendency to be), then try to include them in what you are doing… they can sketch too, or workout with mommy.
Christian, wife, “hybrid” mama, I run the site All Behind A Smile to help others like me.
[…] Mental illness can take many forms and have many different symptoms… and intrusive thoughts happen more often than people realize. Movies and songs with lyrics that sneak into your head, (even when you aren’t listening to them) or comments people make… even your own thoughts that are impacted by the content you let in (see the impact of lyrics below). Click to learn about Managing Intrusive Thoughts as a Mama. […]